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Encountering refusal, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced proposing manuscripts 50 years back, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and countless short stories. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 each year. In total, rejections over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: At this point, almost every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, an editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 book publishers rejected my manuscript before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a book pitch. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, all rejections hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. What went wrong? How could editors be blind to my ability?
• Second, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (often mixed with false hope). What will it take you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become any good.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Precedents

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was at first declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most Presidents over the recent history had previously lost elections. The actor-writer claims that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in the pipeline, or just be thinking about that idea for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the editor believes I lack the credentials or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my work too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are within it. Honestly, my ideas and work may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my grammar, notably dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. An early piece was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest achievements have softened the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Setback can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what lessons have I acquired?

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